I know this will sound terrible on several levels, but I kinda need to say this. So, my younger sister (about 15) has been smoking weed and doing who knows what else since she was 12. I just happened to accidentally log onto her MySpace and accidentally check her messages and accidentally read the ones between her and her boyfriend. And MY GOD, all they talk about is weed and heroin! It's ridiculous!

Anyways, I was going to be getting married in sunny California this winter, but obviously Prop. 8 has made that impossible. So, I'll be marrying Georgia this spring in my hometown of Port Hope, Ontario. Yay! :)

I said that like this morning for some reason? And wa-laaa, that is totally a cream pie site. Hahaha.The adult industry should ask me for ideas.
I'm in a better mood now, like wayyyyy better. I got a pair of hideous Woody Allen tortoise glasses and I absolutely love them. I just caught up on Weeds with my parents and am currently indulging on a delicious vegan iced chai tea. It was my turn to cook tonight so I made couscous and grilled bean burgers, because that's all I know how to do. Umm, and then I had to clean up my dog's pee because he got excited.

Lately I've had to resist the urge to give people the finger. It's a pain.

A few months ago, I realized there was a stranger living in my mirror. She would do everything I did, but it wasn't me. Sometimes I wonder if she'll ever leave?
Life has always been like living in a house with no windows. The sun can never seep in, the fresh air can't calm you down. But you can hear the pitter patter of rain, the boom of thunder. It encompasses you. I will always be afraid of thunder because it reminds me of lonliness.
It's weird because it's not like I don't come from a normal family, I have a mother and father who really love me. But for some reason, I just always feel like I need to prove something. I'm not good enough. I have to do more. I have to be smarter. I have to be prettier. I need more friends. I have to be more athletic. I can't be so lazy, I have to be perfect. It's all just so stupid, nobody cares anymore. And when I figured that out I cried even harder. Because it's all for nothing or I'm not good enough to even be noticed? So I just gave up.
I don't want people to hate me. I want someone to be able to confort me. Right now I doubt any guy could do that, I'm still young. We're all still young, nothing counts when you're young.  Doesn't it seem so sad that  if you're in pain you have to wait for a grown-up relationship to be fixed? By then it probably can't be fixed. It's become such a complex web encircled around your tiny little body, the Spider has already started to devour you. You'll always live with those wounds.
You'll always ask yourself, "What am I to the world?" Or when you begin to love, what are you to that person? Life is just a big game of "what-ifs?". Nobody is so self-assured that they don't have these doubts.
I want to be like a doll. I don't want any emotion. I don't want people to be able to effect me. But I know they always will. The Spider's web is wound tight around my heart and all I can do is love and help and hope one day someone will return the favour.

I'm really fucked up.

I'm more of a commenter, because I'm knew and all I do is complain about my life in my journals. :)

For some odd reason I've always wanted to be a man and it's not just because I'm a lesbian either. I think being male would be easier than being a woman, more freedom and such. By that I mean no menstrual cycle and pregnancy. Plus, ever since I was a naive teenage girl I've wondered what guys must feel like when girls basically structure their outings with boy-hunting as a main activity. But ya know, I'd be fine with just giving birth to son and totally doting on him and making him eye-candy.

My first usericon was a manipulated picture of my girlfriend as a vampire because I sometimes think I adore that picture more than her. Ha. I chose my current icon because I love pandas. Such adorable herbivores. :)

Even though I've had really bad cramps and a migraine all day, I'm at low risk for Alzheimer's! Well, anyways, I'm kind of a tea addict. It's great, I have my own cabinet full of it and everything. And my girlfriend has really got me into listening to Rasputina and Vedera. Normally I hate this kind of music (Vedera), but when I'm ill I'm easily convinced. Right now though I think it's a little annoying. Okay yeah, I hate pop music. Stupid high-pitched female vocals. Beethoven totally kicks Mozart's ass, by the way. Uh, I write in an odd pattern. Sorry. (If you have a headache don't listen to Au revoir Simone.)

Well, Georgia's yelling at me. Bye. -_-

I can't eat Pockyyyyy, I just realized that! Damn that veganism! DDDDDDDDD:
I'll cope, though. I mean, I have been for like 6 months. Haha. :/

I hate summer, especially the weather, but I hate school even more, so yeah. My last day is tomorrow. :D